Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I faked an abortion last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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