Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
