Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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