oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
