maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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