Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
