I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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