Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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