i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
