I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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