a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
