I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
