Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
