I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
