I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize