I cannot find my penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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