You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
