She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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