Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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