I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
