just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This baby is an asshole
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
