I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
