Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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