WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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