Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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