I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made him laugh his dick is mine
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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