Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
