I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
