Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
