You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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