I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
