so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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