My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dont even know how to be here
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
