For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
