i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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