My first STD was from a foam party
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
