He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
