thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
