fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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