so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
