The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
