You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
