Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
