Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
