I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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