Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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