Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
