its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
