Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who died my cat blue again?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
