Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
