umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
