Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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