i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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