I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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