ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
