8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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