Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
