HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
