Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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