Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
