absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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