Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've blown a few things in my day
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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