have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
