The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
