ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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