Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
