Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
