You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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