She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
