oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
