I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
