don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
