so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
