life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had to cum in my sink.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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