im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
