i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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