Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
