You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize