i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
